I’ve been divorced, essentially, since 2004. Since then, I haven’t dated per se; just a few short-term relationships (no, not those kind) and lately, its been a real struggle for me to find a woman with whom I’ve felt a real, soul inspiring connection.
At 51, and particularly in my line of work, my options are somewhat skewed. I am generally confronted with either women way too young for me (but smoking hot nonetheless) or women in my age range who are married…and as I’ve found, several unhappily. So, really, no viable options at work. I’ve done the online dating thing on a few occasions, but always dump my membership after a few weeks of really nothing more than online voyeurism. After a few weeks I inevitably question my motives and always feel like I’m forcing the issue by using those sites. I’m the most cynical person I know in a lot of ways, but at the end of the day, I’m the first guy that cries at a contrived emotional T.V. commercials…and as such, I am still a sucker for romance…for that special feeling that comes when you find the person that makes your insides all screwy.
Despite my recent lack of success in terms of making any real connections with the women I’ve met recently, I was pleasantly blown away recently when I had lunch with a friend who shared some personal details of her life and I found myself struggling to maintain eye contact as I was afraid my face would betray the fact that my stomach was doing somersaults!
Looking into the brilliantly seductive eyes of this woman brought my insides into a state of instant turmoil. I consciously struggled not to envision her full lips against mine and how perfect it would feel…how the soft curls of her hair would tickle my cheeks as we kissed. Yep, I’m toast. And despite the reality that this woman is married and I have no idea if these feelings are reciprocated, she has succeeded in infusing me with that most precious of commodities: Hope. All is not lost. As goofy as it sounds, my soul mate may still be out there. In fact she may have been across the table…but never mind…she reminded me that my capacity to love is not yet dead. And I’m very thankful for that.