The Dating Game…and Other Mysteries.

So at my age, 51, I should be in the twilight of my career, enjoying grandchildren, and packing the R.V. for a road-trip with the love of my life.  The reality is I am in the early stages of a new career (and looking for another), have one step-grandson that I rarely see, have no R.V. (but still desperately want), and have no love of my life.

I married once at age 31.  She had three small children when we met and we conceived two of our own.  We stayed married 12 years. It was not the right fit for either of us.  Since my divorce, I have, at best, dabbled in the dating game.  My priority and focus has been raising my now teen-aged kids.  One is a junior in high school and the other a college freshman.  Yes…the empty next syndrome is beginning to dig it’s razor-sharp talons into the fabric of my soul.

But how.  How do I get back on this horse?  How do I do the dating thing after so many years out of the game?  The question is rhetorical.  I refuse to do the “Dating Game”.  I made the obligatory journey into the online dating world and lasted less than two months…never once dated anyone, and found the whole exercise tepid, at best.

I’ve had a few close calls, women with whom I’ve been attracted; yet as soon as they reciprocate, it’s as if an alarm goes off somewhere deep in my psyche and I panic.  I bail, I reverse, I flat-out run the other way as if being chased by deadly prey.  I’m pretty sure I have some work to do with someone more experienced than me in this arena (read: professionals) before I am able to figure out what that response is all about.   Is it normal given my past experiences?  Is this simply a defense mechanism?  For someone like me who prides himself on having fairly thick skin and not being easily hurt, I find the defense argument weak.  I think it’ something else but I’ve yet to embrace what it is.

Maybe it’s my age.  Maybe this is normal.  I don’t think so.  Maybe I simply haven’t found the woman who from the moment I meet her, I know in the core of my being is my soul-mate.  I’d like to think this is the reason.  For now however, I’m just going to keep trucking along, doing my best to do the right thing every day, failing like we all do, but getting back on the horse and trying again.  And I’m also keeping my eyes open.  I don’t want to miss her when she does show up.


About Conversations With The Moon

Divorced father of two amazing young adults. College student, plodding away at a liberal arts degree. Formerly a Fire Captain and Paramedic. Dabbler in fashion. Liberal. Believer in Karma. View all posts by Conversations With The Moon

5 responses to “The Dating Game…and Other Mysteries.

  • Joyce

    I sure don’t miss dating. I remember being newly single in my 20’s and getting excited about dating. I thought it was going to be all “Sex in the City” but it was more like “The Twilight Zone.”

    I’d say you have one of two things going on…it could be an act of sabotage on your part. Or it could truly be that you are not finding what you are looking for, and that you just don’t realize that the person you are flirting with is not what you want until you interact with them. In which case, you are right to disengage rather than unfairly string them along.

    I wish you luck. I truly believe there is someone for everyone.


    Any women would be lucky to have you. Maybe you just haven’t met the right one. Give it up to the universe.

  • julieann74

    Very nicely expressed 🙂 I believe Love is really very simple. Just a thought, but maybe you will find that when you meet the right woman these reservations will simply melt away . . . maybe not, but maybe 🙂

  • Cindy

    IMHO…At this point in your life.. (read: Empty Nest) It is important to find your passion and purpose. Now is your chance to be somewhat selfish and do what you want and when you want. Give it up to the Universe, Higher Power, etc to bring the “right one at the right time” and maybe she will share the same passions.

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