Six…

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Happy Birthday to me.

Yesterday actually.

I turned six…

Years of sobriety, that is. Yep, six years have passed without my ingestion of alcohol or drugs.

Although I rarely think about booze or drugs, and have absolutely no craving anymore, it’s kinda a big deal…

Well over a decade ago, a shrink I was seeing for depression suggested I go a year without drinking. His theory was that if I’m not an alcoholic, this shouldn’t be a problem (this is actually a pretty standard metric in the recovery field; and this guy knew damn well I was alcoholic, he was just trying to get ME to admit it).

I made it 13 days before I decided he was an idiot and I had no problem with alcohol. That I was a miserable wreck those thirteen days seemed to escape my grasp at the time…

I first drank at age 17 and it was immediately and magically the elixir I had been looking for my entire life…it changed everything for the better…until it didn’t.

I suffer from a disease that causes me to deny that I have a disease and I am eternally grateful that I eventually screwed my life up to the point that I had run out of solutions and was willing to surrender.

And that’s the key…surrender. My mom used to be puzzled about my drinking because, as she said “you have such strong willpower in all the other areas of your life”…

It’s like that for all of us drinkers. We MUST drink…it’s the norm, not the exception. And willpower is often a liability.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to me! I’m quite blown away that I’ve gone this long without the substance that literally ruled my life for so many years and equally stunned that I rarely think about it. Don’t get me wrong, I participate in standard treatment for this disease on a regular basis, but I rarely actually think about alcohol.

I’m pretty open about this part of my life with family, friends, and co-workers. Some disagree with this position but I firmly believe that, for me, if I hide it, it controls me and by putting myself out there, I’ve become a resource for others.

And that’s what keeps me sober.

So thank you to those individuals with whom I’ve had the honor of helping the last 6 years.

Here’s to another day!

 

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About Conversations With The Moon

Divorced father of two amazing young adults. College student, plodding away at a liberal arts degree. Formerly a Fire Captain and Paramedic. Dabbler in fashion. Liberal. Believer in Karma. View all posts by Conversations With The Moon

6 responses to “Six…

  • kingmidget

    Congratulations!! You are an inspiration to me. Unfortunately, I haven’t quite figured out how to achieve what you have. My weakness is and always will be beer. For years (and years), I was good at a couple of beers with dinner. Things have changed in the last year or two and I need to kick the habit. An extremely difficult thing to do. Keep sharing your story. It helps.

    • Conversations With The Moon

      Thanks Mark. There is a difference between “problem drinking” and alcoholism. Problem drinkers put it away when circumstances dictate. One of the best lines I’ve heard (from my sponsor) is that arsonist don’t sit around wondering if they have a problem starting fires. I’m always here if you want to chat…

      • kingmidget

        Thank you. I’m not sure where exactly I fall on the spectrum between problem drinking and alcoholism. I’d like to think it’s closer to problem drinking, but I also know that there’s a certain level of dependence I have on it. And what happened over the past year or so was a lessened ability to stop. I’m working on the ability to stop now. The last month or so has been much better. Don’t be surprised, however, if I take you up on the offer to talk about it. There’s a chance I need to make. I have several friends who have also been sober for years. I’ve thought about reaching out to them, but, you know, it’s one of those difficult conversations to start.

      • Conversations With The Moon

        It is definitely a tough conversation. You have my email, feel free to reach out anytime…

  • Angiedaweeze

    Oh shit fuck I am a loser! So sorry to have missed this. You are an amazing man who’s being touches a place in my heart no one has ever touched. It wouldn’t be that way if you were a drunk. So thanks for being sober. But not just sober, happy and sober. The whole point of being fucking sober!!! Love you.

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