Melancholy in the Waning Hours of Parenthood…

My son, Me, My daughter

My son, Me, My daughter

In less than six hours from now, I will no longer, technically, have kids.

My youngest child will turn 18 and will legally become an adult.  Yes, I will always be a “parent” (my “children” will vouch for this) but I can no longer accurately describe them as “kids”…they’ve become adults.

This might not seem like a big deal, but I find myself filled with melancholy right now.  My brain is awash in all the things I could have, should have done…

Was I the best parent I could have been? Absolutely not…I failed on many occasions, sometimes on an epic scale. Do I wish I could go back and do things differently…be a different parent…be a different person…you’re damn right I do. My “kids” deserve the best and I failed them in that.

What I can say is that I tried. Yes, I failed at times to achieve perfection, but I did the best I knew how to do at the moment I was in at those points in my life.

During their lives, these guys lost their older brother after five years of suffering, watched their father lose his career on the fire department as the result of the disease of alcoholism, waited for their dad while he did 39 days in jail (I cannot imagine many scenarios more crushing than calling your child from jail and awaiting the automated voice that tells your child they are receiving a call from the city jail), see their parents through an acrimonious divorce, see their mother remarry a man that they hated, and struggled to find themselves in the midst of these challenges.

And find themselves they did. Both “kids” have matured into exceptional human beings. Kind, caring, ambitious, intelligent citizens of their communities. One at George Washington University pursuing her passion to change the world and another embarking on his dreams at the University of Oregon.

Lest this digress into an exercise in self-flagellation, I will admit to this: I turned it around.

I set an example.

I got sober and I worked hard. I devoted my life to their emotional and intellectual well-being. I didn’t have the financial resources to give them half of what they deserved, but I can unequivocally say I gave them my heart and soul and am guided by an overriding desire to model the axiom that if you get knocked down…no matter how far…you can get back up and succeed.

Every year since they were pre-teens, I write them a letter. Here’s the letter I’ll be presenting to my son in his eighteenth birthday tomorrow, the day he becomes a man:


Dear (son),

I have no idea if you save these, but if you don’t, please save this one. It contains the keys to a happy, rewarding life. That’s a big claim, I know. But it’s true. And it’s deceptively simple. Here are the keys:


  1. Fear is the root of all negativity in your life; find a power greater than yourself to place your faith upon.
  2. The key to genuine happiness is getting out of your own head. Put others needs ahead of your own. Service to others is the only way to achieve true happiness.
  3. Be disciplined. There are no shortcuts. Work hard and you WILL be rewarded.
  4. Life isn’t fair. If you are counting on this, you will be constantly disappointed. See #3 for the corollary to this.
  5. Be on time. Be trustworthy. Be respectful of all people regardless of their station in life. These three things will give you a HUGE advantage in your professional career.
  6. Be humble. No matter how successful you become, remember #2. Humility will pay dividends in your life. Karma is real…I lived it.
  7. Have fun. Surround yourself with positive people.
  8. Keep your side of the street clean and let God handle the rest.
  9. Own up to and admit your mistakes, no matter the cost.
  10.  Do good things and good things will happen to you.


If you strive to do these 10 simple things in your life, you will find success beyond measure.  Good luck son…I am always here for you!


I love you,


About Conversations With The Moon

Divorced father of two amazing young adults. College student, plodding away at a liberal arts degree. Formerly a Fire Captain and Paramedic. Dabbler in fashion. Liberal. Believer in Karma. View all posts by Conversations With The Moon

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Achieving Happiness Inspite of Myself

Jonathan latt

All the things you don't care about in one place!


learning life's lessons with an awkward giggle

L7 Bike Adventures

A couple's traveling adventures by bicycle


Have fun while traveling, ride a bike!

Fisticuffs and Shenanigans

It was all fun and games, until the fisticuffs and shenanigans... -Deutschmarc

KingMidget's Ramblings

Pull up a chair. Let's talk.

Gino Michael Pellegrini

Education, Race, Mixed Race, and Multiculturalism

giorge thomas

story blogger

Biking in LA

SoCal's leading source for bike news, from around the corner. Or around the world.

Cycling in NY

A blog from an average guy, cycling in NY

Naturally Green Cooking

Green cooking meets natural ingredients with a touch of altitude

The Conejo Valley in the 70's & 80's

Sharing Photos And Stories About The Conejo Valley In The Good Old Days

eryn b good

trying to behave

All Seasons Cyclist

Real World Product Reviews For Avid Cyclists

The Blog

The latest news on and the WordPress community.

The Average Jim's Playground

This is The House of Positive Vibes

Los Angeles Boudoir Photography

Documenting the human condition with sensuality and complexity

%d bloggers like this: