Tag Archives: Change

Here’s to you Mom…

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Transitions are tough. Change seems to be the primary cause of fear and unrest in our world. But change and transitions are a fundamental fabric of our being.

My mother died this morning at 10 a.m.

Josephine was born in 1922. She married my father and had three children. I was the youngest…the mistake.

My father died in 1989. My father was my mom’s world. My ex-wife and I invited my mom to live with us after my dad’s death and she became part of my new family…she was Grandma to my step kids and to my two new little ones. It gave her life. It rejuvenated her spirit and passion. It also was a blessing beyond measure to have her around my kids at a particularly challenging phase of my life.

I divorced my wife and my mom went to live with my older brother. He and his wife earned their saints wings for the years they took mom in. She could be difficult. She feared change.

My mom and I had a complex relationship, as all parents/children do. It created a lot of guilt for me as she grew older that I resented her worldview and bitterness. I wanted her to be different. I wanted her to be happy. And I was angry at her because she wasn’t.

I loved my mom.

I found out she died this morning while riding my bike. I had just passed a convalescent home that had been the source of guilt for me every time I rode by (i felt guilt that I didn’t have the financial means or stable enough lifestyle that I could prevent her also from being in a convalescent home). As I passed I had the unwavering feeling that she had died.

The phone rang 5 minutes later. It was my brother…

I spent the rest of the ride cycling through tears. I prayed SO hard that mom and dad are reunited. She deserved that. She deserved peace.

Transitions are hard. I’m okay with my mom’s passing. It’s what happens. I just hope she can feel the warmth of my dad’s hand in hers after so many years apart…

 

 


No…she’s not gone forever.

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(My daughter and I at dinner last night before she left for college)

It started here.  365 days ago I started this blog.

I had just had hip surgery, was out of work for 6 weeks, and wanted to start writing.  My first post lamented the fact that my daughter was going across the country to college.  As I write this post, she is on a plane headed back to college after spending the summer home (and I saw her maybe a total of 5 times in the two months she was here). So to answer my first post…no, she’s (thankfully) not gone forever. In fact, at our going away embrace last night, the feelings of melancholy were replaced by pride and admiration.

A lot has changed in the last 365. She’s grown from my high school senior into a young woman in college. She’s made some choices I don’t agree with, but has been ruthlessly honest with me and for that I am eternally grateful. And when I review my choices at her age, my pride in her increases exponentially. She’s a good kid. She will kick ass in life and I’m beyond proud of her.

In the last year, this blog was “Freshly Pressed”, I discussed my aspirations with regard to becoming a writer, I posted a lot about politics, culture and sports.

Personally, I went back to college, and changed careers.  I’m riding 60-70 miles/wk. on my bike and hope to continue to fight the inevitability of aging with every fiber of my being.  Life is good…

I gained more followers than I could have imagined and made some nice friendships here.

I thank each of you that has followed my blog and look forward to producing content here that may be thought provoking and dare I say inspiring in the next 365…


Change is Good. And by that I mean scary as hell…

First week at the new job in the books.

I’m working in a completely new field and have flopped around like a fish out of water my first week.

At my old job, after 5 years, I’d pretty much gotten the routine down and the actual “job” part came second nature.  In this new job, there is no manual (to speak of) and it’s entirely on-the-job training.  Did I mention the actual workflow is a hot mess and admittedly completely unorganized?  So yeah, there’s that…

I’m a Rehabilitation Technician at an addiction treatment facility.  I’m studying this in school and hope to one day reach the treatment side of the fence, but for now, I’m very grateful that I was able to get my foot in the door of a nationally known facility at literally ground level. I’m learning this business from the bottom up.  From emptying trash and washing dishes, to driving clients & emptying ashtrays, I’m actually very happy to be here…

But I’m tremendously uncomfortable. Enter my ego. That little part of me that screams for control and normalcy…order…organization.  Right now, it’s all a blur and I do feel like I’m flopping on the ground at times, like the proverbial fish.

I know it will get better…I know this feeling of terror I have every day will go away. My gut tells me the fast-paced nature of this job is right up my alley, and once I get a handle on it, I’m going to love it…but for now…

Let’s just say I’m saying a lot of prayers…


Oh Barack…wherefore art thou?

http://www.bostonglobe.com/news/politics/2012/09/05/transcript-bill-clinton-remarks/sxrJlqezqxuW46UgYOkvDO/story.html

Bam! Bazinga! Booyah!  That’s what I’ve been waiting for.  For the President to get off his ass and respond to the hyperbole being slung at him by the right-wing nut jobs.  We got it from the President last night…only…

It wasn’t the current President.  No, the man who finally laid to rest all the BS from the Tea Partiers, the Hannity/Beck wannabees and the far right-wing of the conservatives, was ex-President Bill Clinton.

In a speech that can only be described as masterful, Clinton cogently outlined, piece by piece, the argument for reelecting Barack Obama. The argument for voting for the Democratic platform vs. the Republican platform.  The argument for doing the right thing and moving our country forward rather than backward.  The reality of the last four years versus the mythology.  The arithmetic.

I am disappointed on a daily basis by the retro-neanderthal ideology spewed by the dominant factions of the Republican party.  I SO wish there was a moderate element in that organization that could gain traction…hell if they could feature someone with an ounce of common sense and some compassion, I might even vote for him/her.  But all I see and hear are extremes.  I actually pity the moderate Republicans.  There are a lot of good people who cringe when Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney deliver their “non” fact based pitch.  I know I am when the Democrats do the same.  There was a lot of crap slung in Charlotte by my party last night and I recoil from it.

But when Clinton took the stage…the tears started.  The same tears that flowed four years ago in Denver when I was energized by the promise Barack Obama offered.  I want that back…I want that energy and enthusiasm and that commitment to do the right thing.  Stand by your principles man and stand up for what you have accomplished.  Bill has…and you can tonight.  Don’t let us down…

 


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