Day 14: And so it goes…

Both the Federal government and local counties are extending the Shelter-in-Place order through the end of April.

To celebrate that news, my employer officially placed me on furlough. I’ve heard the term furlough before, mostly in the context of work furlough surrounding an arrest, so I looked it up. I wish I hadn’t.

My paycheck stops on April 1. The good news is that my employer will continue to fully fund my health insurance premiums through the end of May.

In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast,” so before I could fully mourn my loss of livelihood, I received an informal start date at my new employer. It’s not official until I sign the formal offer letter, so I’m keeping it under wraps, but once the letter is signed, I’m good to go with a pay rate significantly higher.

But wait, there’s more!!!

I contacted the director of the Creative Writing MFA program at the University of Montana who confirmed that I could defer my entry for a full year. This has a bunch of benefits for me, namely staying in my new position (in academia) for a year a well as potentially moving to Missoula early to establish residency. In addition to allowing me to apply again to more fully funded MFA programs next year.

Someone on Twitter mentioned that today is March 97th which, after this day, makes absolute sense.

Not only has the pandemic crippled reasonable planning, it’s apparently required a new level of adaptability in the era of the virus.

Disclaimer: All of the above reflects my avowed privilege. I’m whining about quality problems. I have food, shelter, and a couple cats and a dog. I’ve got a job offer on the horizon and an exciting Masters program to look forward to.

I’m acutely aware that many, many people are righteously suffering right now.  I’m not meaning to minimize that in this space, but reflect my experience during these dystopian times. I’ve been through enough pretty bad stuff in my life to know the stress I’m feeling right now is a blessing.

My heartfelt thoughts go out to those truly struggling right now.

Let’s not forget those folks way less fortunate than us right now.

 

Day 13 (Day 14 if you’re on an elevator)

Ah. What a time to be alive! The President today accused the front-line healthcare heroes of “hoarding” ventilators and implied they were selling masks for profits.

Yep.

The same healthcare workers dying to save the lives of American’s infected by a virus that could have been significantly dampened had this same President initiated even a modicum of ethics and responsibility.

Are we MAGA yet?

The shelter-in-place order is constructing a new reality and dynamic for millions of people. Scholars a lot smarter than me will someday study us and I would be fascinated to see the effects of this cultural shift. My girlfriend and I are ready to kill each other/break-up/make-up/have a breakthrough, or any number of other scenarios created when two people are forced into a confined space.

The Feds announced the quarantine recommendations will last at least through the end of April. My company is essentially paying me less than half my regular wages. I’m in the midst of trying to navigate my state unemployment options and being audited by the IRS would seem to be less complex. Cash flow is dwindling and the panic button is getting ever closer.

Oh, but wait. I’ll be receiving a $1200 check signed by Dear Leader sometime in the next three weeks or so. That should resolve all my financial issues. Idiot.

Lots of plans, both short-term and long-term are being negatively affected by this shelter-in-place for myself and millions of others. It’s become impossible to plan, and for a control freak such as myself, it adds yet another pungent layer of anxiety to my daily routine.

The good news is the two days of rain we experienced this weekend is over and I’ll be back out on the roads tomorrow, soaking up some sorely needed emotional relief on two-wheels.

Thank god for cycling. It’s getting me through this with a shred of dignity.

Day 12: The Unspoken

Day 12 brings more of the same nonsense out of Washington.

I’m still sheltered-in-place.

And I’m afraid.

Afraid to talk about that fear.

I’m 59-years-old and in the sweet spot of the Covid19 fatality metric. Each day I read about more and more Americans, often quite younger and healthier than me who have died of this virus.

Monday they felt fine.

Tuesday they had a cough.

Wednesday they had a fever.

Thursday they’re in ICU.

Friday they’re dead.

And they died in isolation.

That’s my fear. That I’ll wake up tomorrow and have a cough. That less than a week later, my life will end.

I think about this each and every time I go for a bike ride. That a distracted driver will hit and kill me. But there’s something “normal” about that fear.

Life is about risk. Ride a bike? Maybe get hit and killed by a distracted driver. I choose that risk each time I saddle up.

I’m not choosing to die because I didn’t immediately wash my hands after handling an Amazon package delivery.

There’s something terrifying about that prospect. Get a package. Die.

I didn’t want to write about my fear. I have a terrible fear of self-fulfilling prophecies.

But maybe someone else shares my fear.

You’re not alone.

We are in this together.

Day 11: The Covers are Coming Off Edition

And by covers, I mean the covers of disbelief that a grifting game show host is the leader of the free world and is running my country into a cesspool.

Trump admitted at his presser today that he is effectively shunning governor’s “who aren’t nice to him.” What the actual fuck? By extension, he’s willing to kill the residents of those states, many of whom may have voted for him.

I mean look, our country has been headed down this rabbit hole since Reagan. The advent of Fox “News” simply injected a bump of cocaine into the process. Add a pinch of internet conspiracies and where we find ourselves was entirely predictable.

But I’m not having it. I genuinely believe that this crisis, this game-changing paradigm shift is the kick in the ass this country needs to collectively pull our heads out of our asses. Not just the deplorables that put the orange shit-stain in office, but privileged white boomers like me that sat idly by and opined about what a shame it is that our country is coming apart at the seams. We are ALL responsible for this.

Things will get worse folks. The Donald will implode as this crisis continues to get so far ahead of his grift, that it will eventually dawn on him that he won’t be reelected, and will likely go to prison (if there is a God). And by God, he needs to. Biden MUST unleash the full weight of the new DOJ without regard to perception and set an example for the next would-be despot. Barr, Pence, Pompeo, McConnell…ALL of them need to serve significant time. ANY public official that broke the law needs to see a metal commode toot sweet.

I’m pissed. I’m tired of sitting on my ass at home (save the daily bike ride) and watching the fabric of my tattered country stretched beyond its limits.

We can do this. We just need the will. This crisis has provided the cover.

Time to clean house.

 

 

Day 10: We’re #1!

It’s been reported that the US now has the most confirmed Trump Virus cases in the world. If only there had been some way we knew this was headed our way.

If only our intelligence services had provided briefings to the Commander-in-Chief warning him of the impending doom.

If only said CIC had an ounce of integrity and put his sworn duties ahead of his ego and financial interests.

If only we had a leader that hadn’t disbanded the Pandemic Response Team because “it wasn’t doing anything.”

If only…

Look, as has been stated ad nauseum, we knew what we were getting with Trump. The man never deceived us–he’s been an amoral, lying sack of shit and professional grifter his whole life. What is hard for me to swallow (and I guess I’ve been around long enough that this shouldn’t have surprised me) was that the leadership of the GOP would abjectly drop any shred of their own integrity and wholeheartedly embrace this monster.

If I had to lay blame for this current health crisis, it would be squarely on the doorstep of Moscow Mitch.

Enough politics. Let’s talk cycling. I did my regular ride today and my legs were so tired. But as the photo at the top of this post indicates, good things come to those who persist.

San Francisco is looking spectacular under the reduced emission skies. Maybe we move towards an emission-free alternative?

Again, this public health crisis has forced all of us to change the paradigm of daily life. Why not take advantage of being unsettled and take a hard look at some creative solutions that might actually improve our lives. Like constitutional reform. Universal healthcare. Car-free cities. Call me crazy, but this is likely our best opportunity.

On a more personal note, check out “Maneater” on Netflix. Thought-provoking and majestic. It’s inordinately affecting my decision to move to Missoula.

Be well friends…

Day 9: EDD (every damn dollar)

Great bike ride today. That’s it. That’s the whole damn day. The only silver lining.

The rest of the day was consumed trying to avoid more bad news from Washington. Believe me, it’s very taxing to try to figure out what I’m going to do with all that cash I’ll have leftover from the generous (taxed) $1200 that the GOP was kind enough to grant us.

What a shit-show.

For most families, $1200 is a slap in the face. I spent the morning on the phone trying to get a new EDD card so when my unemployment benefits kick in, I can actually, you know, buy food and shelter since my employer is failing to pay me. And honestly, I don’t necessarily blame them. They are shut down based upon (the correct and scientifically proper) government decision to protect the health and welfare of the citizenry. Ergo, the government is the one who should be reimbursing us. And by government, I mean the FEDERAL government who has systematically mishandled this crisis since the beginning of the year.

I saw some toilet paper today with Trump’s face on it and it was ALL I COULD DO to avoid buying some on Amazon. But I’m doing my level best to wean myself from that addiction. Jeff Bezos represents the worst of us. A modern-day Dr. Evil. The sheer greed of that man (and the Walton’s) represent EVERYTHING that is wrong with capitalism in its modern form in America. I really hope this pandemic is a wake-up call for the few of us remaining with functioning brain cells and critical thinking skills. For the Fox crowd, Darwinism will eventually resolve that issue.

Grit. Hope. It’s all I’ve got left in these really depressing times.

That and my bike. Thank god for my bike.

Day 8: Fauci

Dr. Fauci is clearly the only adult left in the White House Corona Virus TF press briefing, and today found him back at the podium…tepidly challenging Dear Leader’s pronouncement that Easter would be the end of social distancing.

There’s so much to dissect here, but I’ll limit myself to the extraordinary lack of courage on Fauci’s part. People are dying while the orange fuckstain is practicing medicine on Twitter. And the best Fauci can do is tepid??? Fuck that guy too.

No ride today as the rain visited the East Bay so I’m more ornery than usual. I spent most of the day doing absolutely nothing. Listened to my partner’s Zoom conference from her job and reinforced my belief that most industry is comprised of human beings trying real hard to justify their paychecks.

Whatever. I mentioned I’m grumpy.

We’re supporting Takeout Tuesday by getting Round Table later so I guess that makes us more productive than the “President.” Oh, did I mention that Liberty University is reopening?

The best-case scenario finds the deplorables back to work on Easter while the rest of us with an IQ over 10 continue to practice common sense. Can someone say, Darwin?

Okay, that was a little much, but JFC, Cult 45 is drifting ever closer to Jonestown by the day and I’m not having it.

Oh…I called my BFF today. He’s a big-time financial adviser. One of his clients lost $2 million this week and another one of my friends he works with lost $18 million. I’m absolutely not in favor of bailing out business or reopening the country prematurely to save the Dow, but realistically we may be in for some fairly catastrophic financial times in the next few years. Act accordingly, kids.

We considered that hopefully, this perfect storm of a pandemic and Dear Leader is the reset button our country needed to right the ship.

Ah, the sustaining power of hope.

Day 7: Groceries

The early bird gets the worm. And by the worm, I mean a 24 roll of toilet paper at the grocery store. Getting there early appears to be the strategy, as it will likely run out by noon at the latest. The store is wisely rationing, but I noticed a TON of other routine items in short supply.

Today was the first day I wore disposable gloves to the market. I’ve ordered more on eBay/Amazon and have enough to get me through to the next visit. That and vigorous hand washing are my only defenses (other than not going out, which is the default mode).

After the store, I rode my bike until it hurt so good. It’s amazing how exercise can lift your spirits. All the way until the post-shower weigh-in where you realize your depression diet of chocolate mini-donuts has contributed to a five-pound weight gain in the last week. Oh well, I needed more reasons to get my ass on the bike so the universe has provided it.

As with everyone, life is weird right now. I’m locked out of work, only receiving partial pay and had to use PTO for the next two weeks to survive financially. I am also considering moving to Montana for grad school but have yet to hear from them if the program will actually be taking place in light of COVID19. And to top it off, I may be starting a new career position that would keep me in the Bay Area for a bit…so much on my plate. All quality problems of course but tough to appreciate in a world so fundamentally twisted.

Dear Leader is considering easing the restrictions to allow the tanking economy to correct. More people will die as a result. He doesn’t care.

November can’t come fast enough. I can deal with SIP if we have a non-psychopath steering the ship. As we stand now, the apocalypse seems to be that much closer. Madness has become de jure and we go about our days ingesting even more incredulous news out of Washington.

I miss the boredom. I miss an adult in the Oval Office.

 

Day 6: Trigger Warning Edition

First to the news: Senator Rand Paul, who once called Covid19 a hoax and blocked bills to assist families with the virus has tested positive for the hoax. And he claims he’s asymptomatic. He was tested “out of an abundance of caution.” Must be nice. Being tested “out of an abundance of caution. Fucking front line health care workers in the trenches can’t get tested. But the privileged, conspiracy theory fuckstains can. Cool.

Second: tried to go on a ride today but the roads were inundated with newbies. And particularly newbies that not only didn’t understand cycling/traffic law etiquette but seem to have not gotten the word on six feet of separation. Not having it. Turned around and came home.

Trigger Warning: Here’s the bad news. Some health experts are predicting a second, bigger wave of infections this fall. I’m 6 days into this shit show and already fighting depression. I was planning a trip to Missoula, Montana to check out the University of Montana where I was recently accepted into a Master’s program, but clearly, that is canceled. Now I’m not even sure if there will be classes for me to attend in the fall. And I need to make an admissions commitment very shortly. Yeah, quality problems I know, but it highlights the profound uncertainty that millions of Americans are facing in the pandemic era.

This pandemic, I fear, will create a paradigm shift in the way we, as citizens, see our government. I pray that we use this unique opportunity to demand some significant constitutional reform. The system is broken. We have the leverage now to do something about it. To squander this tragedy would be heartbreaking.

I’m going to try another ride tomorrow. Hoping the roads will be a little lighter. Also planning another recon run to the market to see what’s available. Cover my six!

Cheers…

 

Day 5: Trumpvirus

Not gonna lie. Today got to me.

Depression that is. Entirely predictable considering I took the day off cycling to give my legs a rest and for the first time in five days, didn’t venture out of the house. I’ve hit the wall and am starting to get cabin fever. An early trip to the market, a ride with my girlfriend, and a commitment to writing discipline tomorrow should clear this up.

But there’s another thing.

Trumpvirus.

Look, if this xenophobic idiot can pejoratively call it the “China Virus,” I’m going to go ahead and label it the Trumpvirus.

The idiot held another worthless press conference today, ultimately not much more than a masturbatory exercise in self-congratulation and ass-kissing by his underlings (with the notable exception of Dr. Fauci, who is clearly trying to maintain his credibility in this cabal of criminals).

Never mind his pronouncement that “a ventilator is a machine,” nor the scripted strokes by the planted “reporter” from OANN, what got me was his riff on masks.

Yes, masks.

The Donald wants to know why we can’t reuse DISPOSABLE masks. Surely, he said, there must be a way to sterilize and reuse them. Right. Preformed masks made out of cloth. We’ll just toss them in the neighborhood laundromat and slap them back on the faces of the health care workers his idiot government has so terribly failed.

I can’t even.

This crisis has exposed for even the densest of his supporters, his complete lack of competence–as an adult, much less leader of the free world. Rachel Maddow has it right: let’s stop airing these “White House Task Force” pressers and only air actual facts from experts and scientists like Dr. Fauci. No one needs to watch Pence insert his tongue up Trump’s ass (a record) twenty-one times as he did today.

Fuck. No wonder I’m depressed. Any rational human being would be after watching that shit-show.

God help us all…